Tag: motherhood
in Newborns

How to Support Your Husband as a New Dad

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Okay mamas! You have done the hardest job of all. You delivered a precious baby after carrying for 10 whole months. You’ve endured morning sickness, night sweats, and heartburn. You haven’t had a good night’s sleep, a shower, or a good meal in DAYS! You have put all of your energy into taking care of this brand new baby.

It can be easy to feel like you have nothing left to give to anyone else. Let’s face it, you probably don’t, and that’s okay. So, how can you support your husband as a new dad when you feel like you are hardly getting by?

You might be surprised by some of the answers I got from some new dads. In fact, the number one response I got is something that might even help YOU out. So here we go, ten ways to support your husband as a new dad.

  1. Give him opportunities to bond. The overwhelming majority of dads said they would like more opportunities to bond with the baby. Many times, especially if mom is breastfeeding, the mom takes on all things baby, while she has dad fetch, change, cook, make, clean, etc… Talk with your husband about things he could do to bond with the baby. Maybe he gives baths, rocks the baby to sleep after a feeding, or does tummy time activities. The point is, don’t automatically assume all responsibility for the baby just because you are the main source of food! Find something your husband can do with the baby, and let him do it!
  2. Provide direction. Your husband may not have those innate motherly instincts that you do (surprise, surprise)! While some things seem like common sense to you, they may have to be learned by your husband. Give him some grace if these things don’t come naturally to him. Give him gentle suggestions like, “Maybe WE should try…” or “I wonder if…would help?”
  3. Tell him what you need. This may seem strange on a post about supporting your husbands needs. However, believe it or not, your husband wants the best for you and the baby. He wants to help you in any way he can. Sometimes he just needs you to tell him what you need! Again, they are learning and they can’t read your mind. If there is something you really want your husband to start doing, don’t stew about it, just tell him! Chances are he will be happy to help.
  4. Be patient. Remember, your husband is learning just like you are. Be patient and sit back and enjoy. Enjoy watching your husband become a daddy. Don’t expect him to figure it out overnight.
  5. Give encouragement. When my husband became a new dad, the hardest thing for him was feeling like he couldn’t soothe the baby when she was upset. He would become frustrated when he would try to soothe the baby and it wouldn’t work. Then he would hand her to me and she would stop. He felt like there was no point in even trying. This is where you come in. This is the time for you to point out what a good job he is doing with the baby. Thank him for all that he does for you and the baby and encourage him to keep trying.
  6. Listen to his suggestions. While you may feel you are having to give your husband A LOT of direction in some areas, give him some credit. Sometimes they have good ideas. 😉 One night, I was at my wits-end when my colicky 3 month old. She would scream through the entire night. I wasn’t getting sleep and had no idea how to comfort her when she was like this. I woke my husband up, desperate for some relief from the crying-baby duty. My husband suggested trying a pacifier. Of course I said no, because that can lead to orthodontic problems and cause nipple confusion and…Well, my daughter finally stopped crying and when I looked up, there she was sucking away on her pacifier. After that night, we knew where her pacifier was at all times and she slept like a little champ. I thank God my husband didn’t listen to me! 🙂
  7. Work as a team. Remember you two are in this together through thick and thin. As time goes by you will fall into a routine of doing things, each of you better at some things than others. Allow him to help you in any way possible and do the same for him.
  8. Trust him. Show your husband you trust him to take care of the baby. Allow him chances to take care of the baby without chiming in your two-cents every five minutes. If you know the baby needs to be fed, changed, or go to sleep try to keep quiet and let him figure it out. I promise, he will!
  9. Ask him how you can help him. Talk with your husband. Ask him how HE is doing. This whole thing has been about you and the baby, and so many times, dads get left out. If your husband has gone back to work, ask him how it is going.
  10. Let him know you appreciate him. Tell your husband constantly how much you appreciate him! Not only will he feel like you notice his efforts, but most likely it will encourage him to keep it up!



These are all tips given to me by new dads. (A special thanks to all of the dads that provided input!) My hope is that they will help parents through this time of transition to a family of 3. Happy Parenting! 🙂


Have any more tips to add to the list! Let us know in the comments below!


Don’t forget to pin this article on Pinterest for future reference! Join me on Instagram and like my Facebook page to be a part of a wonderful community of new moms!

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in Newborns

How to Support Your Wife as a New Mom

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Motherhood. It seemed so easy, until I became a mom. I walked into the hospital with grand ideas about what motherhood would be like, but when I came out (with my new baby), it was like everything had shifted. I was no longer the same person. It was like I had to learn how to be me again, but in a different way. At first, it was all just surreal. It took some time to realize that this tiny human was mine and she depended on me for everything. She depended on me to figure out breastfeeding, diaper changing, sleep schedules, bathing, clipping fingernails, and SO much more.


In one day I went from doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to not having energy to eat!


Now, I’m not saying I didn’t love being a mom. I am saying that I was overwhelmed and unexpectedly so. Thankfully, I had my (amazing) husband to help me through this time. He must have had someone coaching him along the way because he always seemed to know what to say to calm my fears and anxiety. However, this is not always the case. So many women deal with postpartum depression and anxiety and their husband or significant other have no idea how to deal with it. Even moms who are not carrying the burden of PPD can feel unsupported by their husband simply because he doesn’t know what to do to help.


Here are some ways for a husband to support his wife as a new mom:


  1. Check on her. Ask her if there is anything she needs- and not just once, ask her all. of. the. time. When she is nursing, resting, changing the baby, or even entertaining visitors. After giving birth, hormones are all over the place. She may be fine one minute and dying of thirst the next. Fill her water glass, make her food, make her take a nap. In thinking of the baby, she may need reminders to take care of herself too.

  2. Get up at night. You might be like me and think it is silly for both of you to lose sleep when only one of you can care for the baby. However, being up with an inconsolable baby in the middle of the night can be lonely, exhausting, and frustrating. Even if you don’t know how to help, at least wake up and ask her how you can help. Many people also recommend having dad change the diaper and bring the baby to mom for feeding. This gives mom a few minutes extra sleep and shows that you are doing what you can to help.

  3. Don’t complain. If your wife gets up most times in the night with the baby, don’t complain when it is your turn or when she asks you to help out. She needs her sleep just as much as you do, even if you are going back to work and she’s not.

  4. Rub her back. Giving birth and learning how to nurse a newborn is physically draining. Give your wife a massage. Don’t wait for her to ask for one. In fact, any chance you get, rub her feet, her back or her head. She deserves it!

  5. Listen. Your wife may be trying to tell you how she is feeling. Take time to really listen and understand. There is a good chance her hormones are getting the best of her and even she doesn’t understand it. Listen, and then confirm what a good job she is doing.

  6. Prepare meals and snacks. Even if you aren’t used to cooking, make an attempt to prepare meals for your wife and family. If you are back at work you may have to make frozen meals or even get take out. Somehow, be sure your wife is eating good meals throughout the day. She will need the nourishment but most likely won’t think about it on her own.

  7. Change diapers. Any time you are around and the baby needs changing, offer to change it. Most likely, she has changed 20 other diapers already that day.

  8. Offer to take the baby. Offer to take the baby while she takes a shower or a nap. Heck, tell her to go out to lunch with friends and get out of the house. She will need this in order to feel like herself again, but may not ask for it.

  9. Pick up groceries. Ask your wife for a list of groceries and run to the store after work. The last thing she will want to do is get out and buy groceries.

  10. Let her sleep in. If your wife was up with the baby in the night, offer to get up with the baby in the morning and let her sleep in. Bring the baby to her (if nursing) and then let her go back to bed. This will help her to feel like she has gotten a full night’s sleep.



Your wife might be killing it as a new mom, but it can’t hurt to do these things. It can be hard for new moms to ask for help, even when they really need it. Be ahead of the game and try doing these things without her asking. Just because she doesn’t ask for it, doesn’t mean she doesn’t need it. Do these things multiple times a day if you are home, again without her asking, and don’t expect anything in return. She is doing a lot already!





Not only are you helping your wife by doing these things, but you will be creating a strong bond with the baby, which is equally as important.


Now, don’t worry, I am already starting a post about how moms can support their husbands as a new dad. 🙂


What did your husband do to support you as a new mom? Post it in the comments below!


Don’t forget to pin this article on Pinterest for future reference! Join me on Instagram and like my Facebook page to be a part of a wonderful community of new moms!

 

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in Newborns

How to Avoid Mom Guilt

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That dreadful feeling you have every time you aren’t with your child? It has a name. Mom Guilt. Some moms experience mom guilt at higher levels than others or for different reasons. This in no way makes you a better or worse mom than the next. It is simply something that comes with being a mom. There are several situations that might cause a mom to feel guilt. Being a working mom, being stay at home mom not bringing in any income, having a date night without the kids, not breastfeeding, or breastfeeding and hating it. The list could go on and on for miles. Heck, I am sitting here writing after my kids are in bed and I am feeling guilt that I am not getting more sleep in order to have more energy for my kids. Ridiculous, right? Us moms should be able to do things for ourselves without feeling guilty. So, I have compiled a short list of things that can help lessen the dreaded mom guilt.

 

 

Be intentional and engaged

I find my mom guilt is at it’s worst when I know I wasn’t completely engaged with my kids that day. Be intentional about focusing your attention on the kids while they are awake. Try leaving your electronic devices in your bedroom. If you feel uncomfortable not having your phone, check it briefly at planned intervals throughout the day.

Try to wake up shortly before the kids and get a few chores done. This will help you feel like you have accomplished something, leaving more time to spend time with your kids. Knowing that you are usually 100% engaged with your kids will lessen the guilt when you need some time for yourself.

 

Stop comparing yourself to other moms

I remember when I had my daughter I would see other moms  with their newborn, smiling in Facebook photos at a baseball game or trying out a new restaurant. I would automatically feel like I wasn’t as good of a mom because I couldn’t fathom taking my colicky newborn in a crowded public place. The thought would send my anxiety levels through the roof! It wasn’t until I had my second child, who is much more easy going that I understood how this could be done. Remember, every child is different, every mom is different, and every situation is different.  I should also note here that this can be a viscous cycle. As moms, we tend to post the highlights of our day while leaving out the messy aspects of real life. This is all great and fine but let’s all remember to be real with each other too. Help each other out, and lift each other up at the same time. We are all in this together!

 

 

Create a routine

Having a plan for your day always helps. You may or may not get much accomplished, but if you have a plan, at least you know you have accomplished something.Having a similar routine each day will help you to get more accomplished and the kids will learn what they can expect each day.

  • Weather you work out, chat with a friend, sip a cup of coffee, or watch an episode of your favorite TV show, carve out some time for yourself each day. Maybe it is during nap time or when the kids go down for the night. Knowing you will have time for yourself at some point in the day helps you to focus more on the kids when they are awake.
  • Plan what times of day you will do some cleaning and how much. You may just plan to deep clean one room (or thing) a day, and that may be all you can fit in. That is okay! Write it in your plan so that you know what you need to get done and what can wait.
  • Finally, plan out some activities for the kids. I like to plan a small activity in the morning, like outdoor play, and a longer activity in the afternoon, like going to the pool. Plan to stay focused on the kids 100% during this time.

Check out my sample daily routine below!

Daily Routine

 

Just do it

If you are feeling guilt about going out and not being with your kids 24/7, ignore the guilt. No matter how bad you are feeling at first, just do it. Go out with your girlfriends, hire a babysitter while you get out with your hubby or significant other, go sit and have coffee alone. You may feel guilty for a little bit, but chances are, if you do something you enjoy you will end up having a great time and you won’t regret it. In fact, it may be just what you needed to come back to your kids feeling refreshed and ready to give them 100% again.

 

If you are having guilt about your work situation or breastfeeding, remember, there is a reason that you are doing what you are doing. Don’t let your guilt get in the way of what is best for your family. If you feel the guilt is because you are doing something you shouldn’t be or not doing something you should be, maybe it is time to make a change. Take some time to evaluate the situation and weather or not it is the right thing for you and your family. If not, take steps to make the change!

 

 

Give yourself some grace

Remember, you are human. You have needs just like your kids do. You cannot meet the needs of your children without meeting yours too. Trust me, if you take care of yourself you will be a better mom for it. It’s really a win-win for everyone!

Do you ever struggle with this feeling of mom guilt? Is there something you do to keep it at bay? If so, tell us about it in the comments below. We can all benefit from other mom’s words of wisdom.

 

Please join me on Instagram and like my Facebook page to be a part of a wonderful community of new moms!

 

 

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