Motherhood is a beautiful and rewarding experience.
The moment you arrive home from the hospital with your new baby, your journey as a new mother begins.
The long sleepless nights spent feeding them and changing their diapers can be draining, but it is also a precious time to bond with your baby.
Although being a mother can feel overwhelming, it helps to have someone there by your side to help take some of the load off.
It is a an awesome experience when you are able to share those joys of having a new baby with your spouse by your side.
When you start out having someone there, nothing prepares you for having to do it all alone.
I never imagined that would be my story.
When I had my oldest son, my husband was there but he had a lot of secrets that began to slowly divide our new family.
I tried working through them because that’s what you do when your married right?
We had my youngest son five years after we had our first born. We loved our first son so much we decided to have another baby and thought it would be a good idea so he didn’t grow up alone. We wanted him to always have someone with him to grow up with.
Moving On
As the years went on, the problems got worse and I made the best decision for me and my two young boys and I left. The oldest was about to turn seven and my youngest was about to turn three.
I was terrified to make the move, but I knew I had to do what was best.
I never tried to keep them from seeing their dad despite our differences.
I thought after the divorce he was going to be a supportive and responsible father, but I was wrong. Asking for money to buy a pair of jeans was like pulling teeth.
I was working inconsistent hours at a home improvement store with inconstant days off to match. I was very blessed to find a home daycare that did overnight daycare, so the nights I worked late was not a problem.
I can remember going over to their dad’s house to drop them off and my oldest had on a pair of jeans that had a hole in the knee part. I wasn’t able to buy them any clothes at the time because most of my money was going towards paying bills.
Making ends meet started getting a lot tougher than I imagined.
On my way back to the car, their dad’s brother who was visiting at the time followed me outside. He said a few words to me and shook my hand and slid some money into my hand.
That was the moment I decided to file for child support, and needless to say their dad was very angry. The child support was not consistent because he never stayed on a job long enough for it to be consistent.
In the year 2016 I stopped receiving it altogether. I pulled through it though and I’ve made a way to take care of myself and my boys.
Struggles With Asthma
One of the most difficult and trying times as a mother is when your kids get sick. It is even more difficult to have to go through it alone. Watching your child suffer and knowing you can’t do anything about it is heartbreaking.
My youngest started getting sick every time the weather changed.
He would be fine in the summer, but when winter came I noticed he would start coughing non stop and it would sound like he was having trouble breathing. His trips to the Dr started becoming more frequent.
I remember taking him to the Dr and she said six words I never wanted to hear. “Has he been tested for Asthma?” I felt my heart sink.
I never wanted my son to be one of those kids who needed to carry an inhaler around with him all the time.
She suggested prescribing him an inhaler and I knew it was the best thing to do.
One day when my son was in Kindergarten I received a call from the school to come pick him up because he was coughing non stop and he had thrown up.
When I arrived at the school my son was coughing uncontrollably and my first thought was to go to the ER.
I thought about how crowded it would be in the middle of the day and decided to take him to urgent care instead.
On the way to the clinic the coughing started getting worse and by that point he was laying down on the back seat and he was crying and coughing at the same time.
By the time I arrived he was gasping for air and he went to get a drink of water and threw up. The staff quickly jumped him in front of all the patients and took him to the back.
I was terrified but tried to remain calm.
The nurse began to take his vitals and his oxygen levels were at 80% and was dropping fast.
My heart started pounding so fast as tears flooded my eyes. I couldn’t believe what was happening and I had no one there for support. The Dr. came in and started a breathing treatment with a nebulizer right away.
When his oxygen levels began to return to normal, he started to calm down.
I felt my heart rate slow down and return to normal. The Dr. decided to give him a prescription to get him a nebulizer that he can use as needed.
I remember my mother asking me if I ever thought about taking him off cow’s milk and trying almond milk.
She began to explain to me the unhealthy ingredients in cows milk and how it causes mucus build up.
I decided to take all of us off cows milk right away, and we have been off of it for about seven years now and we are able to manage his asthma now and he rarely has a flare ups.
Raising Young Men
You may be wondering about the challenges I face with my oldest son.
Along with dealing with the challenges my youngest son faces, I have the opportunity to help the oldest who deals with anxiety that comes from being in school with kids who did not always include him among other challenges he faces.
He has a a few good friends he has grown up with but it has not been easy growing up and entering into his teen years.
I’ve spent many nights with him reassuring him that if people don’t want to love and accept him for who he is, then they do not deserve his friendship.
Both of my boy’s are teenagers now.
The oldest is 18 and is about to graduate making A’s and B’s and my youngest is 13. Being a single mom and raising two boys alone is not something I ever expected.
I mean I can’t teach them how to be men.
I can teach them how to be respectful human beings and how to respect women, but I can’t teach them how to be men.
I am always getting compliments from both their teachers about how respectful they are and what a joy it is to have them in their class. Hearing that helps me to know I am doing something right.
They do have their moments that make me want to pull out my hair and run, but overall they are a blessing and they take care of me.
I am just doing the best I can to be the best mother I can be to them.
That’s all we can do as moms.
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