How I Survived My First Pregnancy Alone and Broken

In August 2018, I was deployed with my husband overseas.

Don’t get too relieved.

My husband And I were separated once we made it overseas.

It was my first deployment, and thank God, my last one. Not only was being overseas and separated from my husband a big smack with the depression stick but, to top it off, I was sexually assaulted by one of my co-workers.

Dealing With Depression

After a month of trying to continue like nothing ever happen, my depression and PTSD were increasingly getting worse. I was dealing with isolation from my team and my husband was thousands of miles away.

I found myself having suicidal thoughts and decided to self admit myself into the ER overseas.

Luckily, I was blessed to have a few people come by that were concerned and understanding. I was able to get my husband to escort me back home to the states.

On our way back home, things got pretty close and personal.

Then, BOOM! I was pregnant

Many people ask us this day if our daughter was planned and we always say yes because we were trying since I was coming back home.

My Return

When I got back to the states, my husband was with me for three weeks before he had to go back overseas.

We didn’t know that I was pregnant until a few days before he had to leave.

I went to the ER on the military base because I was having pains on the left side of my stomach.

To our surprise, I was pregnant!

My Struggles

Thinking I was going to go straight home, I ended up having to stay on base for nine months before my maternity leave!

I didn’t have my car, so I walk to most places and ask for rides by others. I stayed in the barracks, which are rooms for the soldiers.

I was forced to wake up Monday to Friday at 6 am just to work out at 6:30 am until 8 am every day.

The closest family I had was eight hours away. My husband remained overseas until I was eight months pregnant.

I did my gender reveal via Facetime. I didn’t have a baby shower.

My daily activities were being monitored by a team of doctors including my primary healthcare provider as well as those involved with mental health.

How I Survived My First Pregnancy

I had to tell myself every day that everything will be okay.

Some times just putting positive things out in the world, can help you receive positivity in your life.

I created my own monthly calendar, posted it on my wall, and marked off the days.

I found this to be super enjoyable. I was not only looking for days to roll by quickly just because I was pregnant and my husband coming home.

But, also because each time I marked off my calendar, it was a symbol of “you made it through another day.”

Which as a suicidal person, this symbolized so much!

I Facetimed with my husband and family daily.

We are so blessed to have technology!

Facetiming was a great aid in keeping me connected to my family.

Of course, the accessibility of my family varied due to normal life activities, but the time frame I did have was a big help.

I made a few trips (flights) to see my “local” family.

When I got time off and had the money for a plane ticket, I took a trip to spend time with my “local” family.

Family means everything to me, so the time I was able to spend meant a lot for me.

I tried to keep myself as busy as I could.

I took the time out to focus on myself and found many different things to do like write, take classes, workout, look up ways to make money from home, learn how to budget and so much more.

I read pregnancy affirmations daily.

Pregnancy affirmations helped me so much that I wrote a whole blog post fulled with positive pregnancy affirmations for mothers searching for some to read, hoping it will help them as the ways the set of affirmations helped me.

I put my big girl pants on and just embraced “the suck”.

I embraced the suck. I was going to be away from my family and endure my pregnancy alone because I was preparing myself for worse.

It’s better to be prepared than shocked and out of luck.

I tried to focus on the positives.

Ironically enough, I did focus on the positives.

I thought this time out from my family was a way for me to prepare to become a mom (mentally, physically and emotionally).

I started blogging.

I know it might sound like a cliché, but I did start blogging while I was pregnant. I needed an outlet.

I loved helping others, and I needed to find a way to make all my new dreams to be a work at home mom come true!

Positive Reassurance

If you are pregnant and alone, just remember everything will be okay. You can make it.

You don’t have to be scared. People are willing to help you.

Do your research and see if there is a local clinic or woman help center near you.

Though I had a terrible experience, this experience has made me what I am today. I have made many changes into my life, and alter a lot of my interests.

I started blogging to help other mothers out and share my motherhood journey with other mommies.

I absolutely love writing and talking to mommies. It has been helping me with my depression, and I’m sure it has been helping other mothers who are going through similar situations.

I have found joy and happiness in helping others. I have decided that I want to transition from working in the corporate world to being a WAHM (work at home mom).

I am also inspiring and enabling other mothers to make the switch!